Skyrocket your ability to manage habits by learning one simple thing about yourself.
“What I lack in consistency, I’ll make up for in commitment. I will start again.”
If we want to be better, happier, healthier, and more effective, then we must become masters of self-management.
Enter Gretchen Rubin
Gretchen has earned her stripes as a happiness expert and has written best-selling and highly effective books The Happiness Project, Better Than Before, and The Four Tendencies, among others.
Gretchen is a wealth of insights, and one of her greatest contributions is the mighty Four Tendencies framework. This could revolutionize how you approach New Year resolutions in 2025 and how you think about self-management on going!
The Four Tendencies Framework in a nutshell.
The framework describes 4 tendencies, variations on how one naturally responds to inner and outer expectations. We generally have a primary and a secondary tendency. Remember not to judge yourself! Power comes from knowing ourselves, not condemning ourselves. Here’s how it shakes out:
Gretchen Rubin’s 4 Tendencies Framework.
How to use the framework for self-management
Understanding how you respond to expectations will help you adapt your habit formation strategies.
For example, it is commonly understood that increasing accountability can help you stick to a new habit. While this is a key strategy for Obligers (who readily meet outer expectations), accountability is not as useful if you’re a Rebel! For Rebels, accountability adds outer expectations which has the opposite effect, creating more resistance to the target behaviour.
Here are some key strategies for each tendency:
Upholders
Upholders experience little resistance once they decide that a course of action is beneficial. The key for upholders is to make a decision and create a plan. If you find the task on your to-do list, chances are you’ll get it done. You’re the lucky ones!
Questioners
Questioners experience resistance to outer expectations, and rely on research, logic and rationale, to transform these into inner expectations. The key for questioners is to understand more fully the benefits of the target behavior. If you can remind yourself of the ways a task will impact your life, you’re more likely to follow through.
Obligers
Obligers are compelled to meet outer expectations, but meet resistance if the expectations are self-imposed. As a result, Obligers often experience burn-out and have difficulty saying no. The key for self-management as mentioned above, is accountability. Some examples of creating accountability include paying for a class, joining an activity group, or publicly declaring our goals.
Rebels
Rebels often find themselves frustrated as they naturally resist all expectations, including the ones they have for their own lives. Highlighting what one “should” be doing, only elevates this resistance, so rebels need to be careful how they talk about self-management. Instead, the key for Rebels is to focus on their identity. ie. “I am going to eat better and exercise more, because I’m a strong and vital person, I always have been - not because I’m supposed to, or because at 40 I really should.”
